I have been feeling a little down the past few days so i pulled my family a little closer to me. See, its like this the 17 of Feb would have been my mothers birthday but she is no longer with us. She passed on a couple years ago now. Having them closer to me make it a little easier to deal with. I also find comfort in knowing she is with God in a much better place.
About a year before she passed on she came real close to dying. My dad, brothers, sister and I went to her. We stayed there taking turns sitting with her. On one occasion I had a chance to talk with her alone for nearly an hour. Promises were made and are being kept to this day. I held my bible in my hands and talked with God once she had fallen asleep. I asked him to watch over her and give her a little more time with us if it was in his plan. It was at that time I said my goodbyes to her as we didn't think she was going to make it.
I prayed; "Dear Lord, I sit her before you today and ask for your guidance in this difficult time. We are all fearful for the loss of Mary from our family. Some of us will have a difficult time with your will. Help them to accept it. As for me I know she is already in your hands the doctors have said they have done all they can. Its up to you. In Jesus name I ask you to watch over her through her remaining days here on earth and when it is time for her to come to be with you. We will all miss her when you do call her home. But, I know she will go to a much better place. She is in your hands lord and your will be done. In Jesus name ... Amen."
Shortly after that I left the room so someone else could sit with her. I don't know how anyone else felt but I had this feeling I needed a little alone time. I went out to my truck and sat there thinking and talking to God as I would talk to a friend. I dosed off for nearly two hours, when I went back into the hospital I talked with my dad and said she will be okay. I had this calm feeling surrounding me. My mother Mary never gave up, she kept fighting and all our prayers were answered and she came back to us for about a year. It was difficult for her to get around but she was there with my dad for one last year. When she went back into the Hospital, I couldn't make it back to her side this time before she passed. I did make it there for her funeral. However, because I didn't get to her side in time it created some bad blood with a member of my family because he thought I didn't care. I tried to explain it to him but he would not hear what I was saying. I hope one day he can understand she was my mother too and I loved her as much as he did / does, and I'm sure he misses her the same as the rest of us. We will never forget her.
Through all of this I have had one thing to help me remain strong, my faith and belief in Christ and his love, forgiveness and grace. My mother encouraged me to go to church and wanted me to become a Preacher. I have known this since I was a teenager. I thank her for stressing that I go as often as I could. That little country Mennonite Church gave me a strong faith foundation. This blog was started to honor her request and even though I didn't become a preacher, I felt the least I could do was share a little of God's word with whomever would like to read it.
My mother and I talked several times about God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. That is how I know she is with him. We both believed in the following statements. "If anyone calls upon name of the Lord with an open heart he will be there in and instant to fill you with the Holy Spirit." It's the journey of allowing him (God) to guide you that is the hard part. But, he will not give unto you any trial that he hasn't given you the tools to handle. People say I wish parenting came with a handbook. It does "The Book Of Life" know as the Bible."
Until next time.... God be with You and your family
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